Are You Asking The Right Questions About Your Life?

0-490354578-african-american-hipster

Questions are one of the most powerful forces on earth. Look at any creation and you’ll find a question—or more likely a whole bunch—behind it. From moving a mountain to going to Mars, from experiencing enlightenment to finding a cure for polio, questions form the path to creation. It’s how humans innovate and change.

This is because our brains love questions: it’s how we learn, forge new associations, and wire new neural connections. Now look at the creation of your life—how is it being shaped by the questions you ask? What questions are you consistently, perhaps repetitively, asking of yourself? Consider that these questions are shaping your brain, your habits, your actions, and, subsequently, your life.

Are they questions like:

  • What would I love to do next?
  • How can I get started today? 
  • What is the next simplest thing to do?
  • What might I try next?
  • What am I most committed to?

Or do your questions sounds more like:

  • How do I know I’m doing enough?
  • What will people think?
  • Am I good enough?
  • Why bother?
  • What could I say that hasn’t already been said?
  • Why is this so hard?
  • Why does nothing ever go my way?

Are your questions pretending to be helpful while actually undermining you, as in: What if I succeed and that changes everything? or Why aren’t I doing more? or Why do I waste so much time?

These types of questions limit our imagination, causing us to settle for less than we really want without our knowing that more is possible. They reinforce our negativity bias by focusing on what’s wrong or could go wrong. They undermine our sense of creative agency, the truth that we always get to choose how we respond to life.

Most tragically, they isolate us through shame, convincing us we need to hide who we are from everyone, especially the people closest to us. We all ask unhelpful questions of ourselves. With a little bit of brain training, we can swap out our draining questions for more generative ones. Think a combo of Buddha and Picasso: mindful and creative, compassionate and disruptive.

Here’s how:

1. Start by noticing your current questions and make a list of your greatest hits.

You’ll find them easy to discern if you notice when your energy drops, your motivation drains away, and your mood goes south. Almost assuredly, there is a not-so-helpful question lurking behind your mood change. Capture it.

My favorites: Why is this taking so long? and Why is this so hard? Just becoming aware of your current questions will give you so much more choice and freedom.

2. Read over the questions you’ve gathered.

Ask yourself, What choices are these questions steering me toward? Skip the self-judgment, and instead, be curious. For example, when I ask myself, What choices does the question ‘Why is this so hard?’ steer me toward? I see the choice to sometimes give up a dream because I’m frustrated that I can’t make it happen sooner or with more ease. By seeing where your questions are steering you, you’ll know whether you want to keep asking them.

3. To change your questions, try dropping “why” questions.

They tend to lead you into the past, into an endless loop of trying to “figure it out.” This also focuses your mind on what’s wrong versus what’s possible. (Exceptions: “Why did the furnace break down?” or other practical matters.) Instead ask, What can I… orHow might I…?

For example:

What can I do to prepare for this interview? versus Why do I always get nervous and put off preparing?
How might I eat more veggies? versus Why is it so hard to eat right?

4. Relish the power of asking instead of the drive to find “the” answer.

Wanting “the” answer comes from your reptile brain’s desire to be safe. You have to mindfully cultivate uncertainty by telling yourself, It’s good to not know. Something richer and deeper will come as I stay open and curious. Stop confusing deciding with wisdom.

5. Dive deeper and ask from every angle.

Here are questions from a conversation with a couple wanting to retire but not having enough savings:

  • What if we invested in high-risk stocks for three years?
  • What if we moved to Mexico?
  • What if we sold everything and traveled with just backpacks?
  • What if we bought a bigger house and my mom moved in with us?
  • What if both our moms moved in with us?
  • What if we bought a compound with houses for the kids and the moms, with everybody helping?
  • What if we didn’t retire but retrained in new jobs?
  • What if we moved back to mom’s farm?

Keep flipping around, asking outrageous questions, especially ones that make you nervous or seem like a waste of time. In this case, the couple realized they didn’t want to retire so much as spend more time with family and do work that felt more meaningful.

6. Start your day with a mindful question.

I wrote a whole book of them, The Life Organizer. Examples include:

  • How do I want to feel today?
  • What would truly nourish me?
  • I can tempt more breathing space into my life by…

7. Step back when you feel lost, stuck, or frustrated and check in to hear what questions you are asking yourself.

Are they expansive? Creative? Shame and blame-free? How about simply useful? Imagine your brain is built on an operating system made of questions. That you are rewriting that operating system to work more effectively each and every time you ask questions that expand your possibility and help you remember you are good enough, you can trust yourself, and you can create more of what you want.

By: Jen Louden
Source: www.mindbodygreen.com

2014-01-09T11:56:54+00:00

Related Questions

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: I have 3 questions: 1st what is good for ulcers 2nd my mom is 70yrs old and i want her to start taking supplements she has HBP & diabetes she is in good health and gets around well. 3rd my best friend has cancer in his liver he had chemo but it did not work we want to rebuild his immune system. What is good without hurting him more and can you tell me what he needs to do to get better thanks

    A:

    1. Ulcers: give ULCUS BUSTER a try! Have her drink aloe vera juice (a cup) per day. Read our â€ULCERS†article on our site under ARTICLES. 2. For HBP: have her perform the FULL BODY DETOX. Read our HBP article too! For Diabtes, have her perform the PANCREAS CLEANSE AND REGIMEN . Also, read the â€DIABETES†article. 3. Read the â€CANCER: CAUSES AND REMEDIES†article! Have the friend DETOX TEA and drink RAINFOREST TONIC TEA simulataneously.

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: In a magazine called New Life Yoga, it questions if Melatonin is the closest thing to a cure all? It also states that our bodies synthesize it but not in a large quantity if you are a night worker (such as myself). Since it is synthesized highly at night. Being recently diagnosed with cervical cancer do you think I should discuss this with a alternative Dr., because I'm sure that the MD still wants to go ahead and start treatments (radiation and chemo). What is your take on this supplement?

    A:

    Don't put all of your hope into a product (i.e. melatonin) that your body naturally produces. Please read our free health information, especially the article on "CANCER: CAUSES AND REMEDIES" and "WHY WOMEN ARE SO SICK" I'd suggest you begin to detoxify your body (see FULL BODY DETOX and TOTAL WOMAN CLEANSE on our site). Please read the article on "THE DANGERS OF CHEMOTHERAPY" as well. Chemo is no joke and will greatly harm the body. God did not make the body with petroleum (chemotherapy). The body is organic and needs organic nutrition to heal from disease. You can heal with the RIGHT information, Beloved. But in the end, it's your choice!

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: Thank you so much for all your replies to my questions I have had in the past. I actually have another question that I thought couldn't hurt to ask you. I was looking at a heater for my mother trying to lower her bills some and had heard about one that is supposed to be very nice. it's an denture unit. My question to you is are these actually safe for us to use? They say its heat is generated by the use of infrared. I can see some benefits of this as obviously there's not flames on it and it's not burning up the oxygen in my home, but I am not too sure about the infrared light pelting my skin and eyes and such. Do you have any thoughts on this?

    A:

    They are safe!

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: My questions to you is how to I get rid of this keloid on the back of head thats been there for years. I?ve been told that surgical procedures would only make it come back, perhaps worse than what it is now. I?ve attempted an injection of steroid directly into the keloid and subsequent application of a topical cream, that resulted minimal results; but that was years ago and I haven?t done anything since. What do you suggest I do?

    A:

    Rub Oxy-Oil on the keloid every morning. This product is great to help heal skin conditions.

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: First off, thank you so much for your responses to my questions regarding my husband heart murmur and weed smoking. Secondly...I am on my third day of the Full Body Detox & it is challenging and invigorating at the same time. My newest question is...how can I make the fruit smoothie that you recommended for drinking in the morning? & can you send my a recipe?

    A:

    A few recipes are in the Alternative Diet and Lifestyle Manual.

    Use 1 cup of fruit juice (of your liking), 1 cup of frozen fruit (i.e. banana, strawberries, mango, etc.), 1 cup of ice (optional). Blend for about 30 seconds! Drink and enjoy!

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: I have a couple of questions, I've read one of your articles regarding flouride toothpaste. We should use a natural toothpaste but what can you use to whiten your teeth? Also, after completing the detox, is there a recommended way to slowly start eating all foods?

    A:

    Using Carbon (Activated Charcoal) is a great way to whiten your teeth.

    Purchase our Alternative Diet and Lifestyle Manual for healthy recipes and guidelines and suggestions for your post-cleanse.

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: I am writing to ask a couple of questions. I was reading one of the articles and it talked about the different types of cooking oil not to use. I wanted to know what would be a good cooking oil to use? I was looking for articles on HIV but didn't find any. I heard you on Warren Balentine speak briefly about AIDS. Can you enlighten me more? Also you talked about a home first aid kit in one of your articles. What exactly should be in a home first aid kit and is this mentioned in your e-book ALTERNATIVE DIET AND LIFESTYLES MANUAL, which I am about to order? And by me having a Mac book would I still be able to download the ebook?

    A:

    Using a Mac book to download, should not be a problem for one of our e-books. Good cooking oils include: olive oil, grape seed oil, safflower oil. In re HIV and AIDS and Home First Aid Kit, the articles will be up next week. So stay tuned, Beloved!

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: I have questions about the Chakra Elixirs. Can one take all 8 drops of your chakra elixirs, (this include the Love, and Healing Elixirs for the 4th chakra) at once? If not, then what would be the recommended practice, if I wanted to utilize all 8 elixirs? Could I also take the Pineal Elixir along with your recommendation on taking the chakra elixirs?

    A:

    While you could take all the Chakra Elixirs together (and even the Pineal Glad stimulator), we'd recommend that you take them separately so each chakra can have it's necessary time to be tuned up.

    Product links:
    CHAKRA ELIXIRS

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: Hello there. I have two questions actually. First, my brother has a really bad nail fungus and I wanted to know if you could recommend any natural ways to heal this. I have recently turned to herbal/natural healing and am trying to get my family on the same path. Second, I finished the full body detox and I am almost done with the anti-viral kit but I faltered on the diet twice...eating cookies :( Is this going to affect my results? Thank you for everything too, by the way. You have been an inspiration and my lifestyle changes have been wonderous!!

    A:

    For nail fungus: soak the hands in hot water, hydrogen peroxide, 6 drops of Tea Tree oil for about 30 minutes. Cookies on the diet? It may have done minimal damage! But you can always perform it again! Glad to know I have helped to inspire you! Keep up the good work!

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: I always send you a question with concerns, but amidst my continued questions and understanding, I must say thank you...for my shaving concerns (switching from magic shave to natural shaving). I'm seeing small but powerful improvements and I hadn't even detoxed yet...Moving on, any products for fingernail fungus/nail biting. I read your article on toenail fungus, but wanted something for healthier looking, no-biting nails. Thanks again. I appreciate your brother.

    A:

    From time to time soak your hands in warm water and sea salt and afterwards apply olive oil to the cuticles.

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: I have some questions: Can you advice me which products on your website are good for spiritual development and stimulate the pineal gland?

    A:

    SIXTH CHAKRA AND SEVENTH CHAKRA and PINEAL GLAND STIMULATOR ELIXIR

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: Thank you for always answering my questions. I have about two more. Okay, I'm currently living overseas where I'm limited on raw fresh foods (vegetables and fruits). I want to do the detox but I'm concerned that I won't have everything as far as raw food to be successful. I have access to basics (apples, oranges, bananas, tomatoes, avocados, melons, lettuce, cabbage, bean spouts, carrots, celery, peppers, green beans, peas, bagged nuts,) but nothing exotic by any means. Then I was told to safely eat some of the food in the local economy that we should wash it with a 5% bleach solution (is that safe...and if on the detox I'm thinking that would be a no go). Two questions?Given the mentioned availability of raw foods could I be able to successfully complete the detox (I don't have an issue with eating the same things over and over again) and two what can I do to clean local produce so that its safe for consumption? Apparently part of the issue is that they use human feces to fertilize. Thank you for your time and I look forward to your response

    A:

    Yes, it seems you have enough raw food available to you to complete the cleanse.

    In order to clean local produce, rinse thoroughly with apple cider vinegar to "disinfect" it. If apple cider vinegar is unavailable, just use water.

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: Hi, two questions: 1). Looking for natural cures for cervical dysphasia. Any help or ideas? 2). Would putting some kind of Aloe Vera juice or suppository in the vagina be helpful?

    A:

    Give the Yoni Formula, Menstrual Cycle, and Female Hormonal formulas a try. Target it from the inside out. Drink plenty of Red Raspberry tea or Dherbs Female Health tea.

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: I have additional questions that I would like to have answered prior to purchasing the Full Body Cleanse.

    A:

    You can call us at 310 839 8810 for more information.

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: Just received my Full Body Detox kit and had a few questions. 1. What is alkaline water? Is there a specific brand you recommend? 2. Is it necessary to take the detox capsules with food or juices (raw, of course)?

    A:

    Please read our article on "Alkaline water" on our site under "Articles."

    I recommend you take the capsules after eating something solid (like raw fruit).

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: I have a questions, hope you have answers for me...I have been diagnosis with a ovarian cyst (1cm). Before I went to ER a week ago due to pain on my left abdominal are near my ovary's, my doctor run test and notify me that I had possibly two ovarian cysts and one might of burst on its own and I still have one which is not even 1 cm big. I was wondering what can you recommend to take to make cyst go away or if there is any natural herbs I could possible take to make it go away? My 2nd question is in regards to my cyst also, I workout daily for 1hour or so and lately I have notice that I gaining a lot of weight and my stomach is swollen from my left side were my cyst is located. Most of my jeans don't fit. What is happening to me? My doctor recommend to continue to take my birth control pills and my cyst will eventually go away but I would really like to lose weight and my swollen go away? What can I do?

    A:

    I highly suggest you perform the FULL BODY DETOX for 3-weeks followed by the FIBROID KIT & REGIMEN. These kits will greatly help your condition. When you're not performing 3-week cleanse, you can take 3 capsules of Fibroid Buster formula, Moon Cycle formula, and Female Hormonal formula, and drink Female Health Tea. There is much help for you. You can heal from this condition -- guaranteed! Just be prepared to make changes to your diet, lifestyle, thoughts, attitude, etc.

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: Thank you once again for your advice and your article on love. I was in so much pain when I emailed you all I could think of was that maybe death would give me peace. As your articles say, heartache, the broken light cord, hurts something terrible in the most literal sense. Your articles give me so much comfort and peace, you are truly blessed. I read everything is Okay as often as I can to remind me to go with the flow of life. Since your first email I have started working with Rose quartz, Rhodocrosite, and Adventurine. I've started practicing Qi Gong and this is helping to put me in tune with who I really am, divine. I cannot say it has been all peaches and cream, the journey up has been bumpy- I have to read and re-read, make the conscious decisions to let go of old patterns. Thank you for your love. Thank you for taking the time to reach back out to a stranger when you did not have to. I am on your site now ready to make my second purchase. There are two 4th Charka elixirs for sale, which one should I purchase? The abundance elixir- is this meant to bring abundance or change my thinking on abundance? I apologize if this question sounds ignorant but I'm slightly confused. One last thing Dherbs.com, you speak of a Three in One modality and advise your reader to get one. What is this and how can I get one? Also, how can I schedule a Charka Consult with you? I know this is a great deal of questions and comments, thank you so much, so very much, for your time.

    A:

    Thank you so much for your e-mail, beloved! Much obliged! Glad to hear Dherbs is helping you on your wonderful journey. Death is never the answer, Beloved. Please read my new article on â€SUICIDEâ€, which explains why (if you haven't already). In re: Charka elixirs I would suggest the FOURTH CHAKRA #2 the one for the Heart as compared to "healing." My friend Julie no longer offers the 3-in-1 sessions, which were so beneficial. However, we still offer charka balancing and can do a reading by phone ($55) if you're interested.

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: Hello, I enjoyed reading the information on your website. I have many questions, but my concern is that I am 43 year old African- American female, who would be classified as obese. Last year I had a miscarriage, which was devastating to me though we were not trying to get pregnant. I have a 16 year old healthy son. The doctor wanted me to have a hysterectomy because of my age and reported that I had non-cancerous fibroids. I chose not to as if I have the opportunity to get pregnant again, I would like to carry my baby to full term and deliver another healthy baby. My question is: which would you suggest I do first (as we know, time is a factor)? Should I do the full body detox and then the weight cleanse? I don't want to do the fertility program, but I'm not sure exactly why I lost my baby. I know stress played a major factor (I quit that high-stress job I was on) and after reading your website, realized that weight played a much larger role than I wanted to realize. I'm not trying to actively get pregnant, but because it remains a possibility, I would like to be as healthy as possible. My partner and I broke up shortly after the miscarriage, but have recently recommitted to a relationship again after almost a year apart. I am sorry for this long email, but your opinion would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely

    A:

    First perform the FULL BODY DETOXfirst followed by the WEIGHT RELEASE CLEANSE AND REGIMEN.

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: I just purchased the FULL BODY DETOX for myself. But I need something for my 35 year old Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) son. He was in a motorcycle accident on April 14, 2007. He hit his head real hard. He injured his head all over. He was not wearing a helmet. This was his first time getting on a motorcycle without a helmet. First, Doctors said he would be dead in 3 days. Well, since he was still alive after 4 weeks they said that he would live in a vegetative state for the rest of his life. Well, now it's been 10 months and he is talking, asking questions, standing up on his good leg, because his right leg and arm is contracted. He is still out there a little but he is progressing very well. His speech is slurred a bit. He can feed himself a little, but like I said he is still out there some what. Oh, going to the bathroom is a hit and miss. Sometimes he will tell you he has to go and sometimes he will not. Then, sometimes he will tell you he has to go and then he will tell you it was a false alarm. We still put diapers on him. I still change him and he has not become ashamed yet. So I was just wondering if you have something for his brain injuries. His long term memory is getting there, but short term memory is short.

    A:

    Doctors are a straight mess, specializing in negativity! They taint hope, optimism, and inspiration. Have your son take Dherbs.Com NERVES FORMULA (3 caps every night), CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM FORMULA (3 caps daily), and BRAIN TUNER (6 caps daily) and drink the BRAIN TUNER TEA (1-2 cups daily) and he'll come back a round. Stay positive! Healing is a miracle, so claim and welcome it!

  • Click here to view in a new window

    Q: Hi I have some questions about herbs for a hair/scalp conditions

    A:

    Read the articles "HAIR PROBLEMS" and "SKIN DISORDER = BLOOD DISORDER".