Where there is mystery in relationships, there is also curiosity, intrigue and desire. Mystery is the energy that turns us on. It’s an essential component to wanting to get closer to someone, and specifically to that feeling of wanting more.
So what do you do if you’re in a committed relationship? How can you create more mystery with the person you already know so well? Well, that’s what this article is all about.
Before I jump in, I want to confirm the (obvious) fact that mystery easily diminishes when we spend a lot of time with someone. The act of getting to know someone is, by definition, the opposite of experiencing them as mysterious. And let’s be clear: this is not a problem!
We all — both as individuals and in relationships — are always striving to find balance between opposing energies. For instance, we all like safety … but we also like adventure. We all like familiarity … but we also like novelty. We all like closeness … but we also like space.
The point of life is not to arrive into a perfect state of balance, and to stay there forever. That’s impossible! Life is always in flux, and so are we.
Because of this, the point of life is to strive for balance again and again. Daily. Sure, this may seem annoying at times, but when you accept the natural flow of life — that feeling of striving to find harmony between opposing energies — it becomes a beautiful dance.
It’s very common for us to get stuck in the mundane, the steady, the scheduled. And in many ways, we gravitate toward this responsible impulse. It’s natural. But when we spend too much time in the safe zone, life inevitably can feel quite dull and dry.
It’s from that emotional place that we then start to crave newness and mystery again — as we should!
Luckily, inviting more mystery back into your relationship is totally doable. So let’s get to that! Below are four ways to enliven your life and your relationship, connecting you with mystery and spontaneity once again.
1. Ditch the schedule from time to time.
I understand that schedules keep us on-track to accomplish things in our lives. However, too much scheduling leads to boredom. It’s just true. You have to mix-it-up if you want life to feel passionate and exciting. Predictability does not get our juices flowing!
If your relationship feels stale or rigid, make a choice to invite spontaneity in. Ditch work with your partner and go on an adventure. Don’t go to sleep at your usual bedtime. Sleep in past your alarm. Turn off the TV and Internet for a week and see what happens.
2. Break some rules.
You know you want to! We all want to — too much constraint makes us crazy!
Here’s the thing: rebellion will always be mysterious — and therefore attractive. Rules are important because they keep us safe and in-line. But too much rigidity will eventually feel restrictive and monotonous. So please, for the sake of your happiness, break some rules!
Eat dessert. Don’t work out. Do anything that feels naughty or “bad.” And this next part is essential: don’t feel guilty about it! Enjoy it. Let yourself bask in being free and unrestricted. The freedom in your life and relationship will increase as a result.
3. Surprise each other.
Novelty re-engages our senses in a new way; it makes us feel alive! So do something surprising. And if it’s “naughty” andsurprising … even better!
Catch your partner off guard. Do something he/she wouldn’t expect. Look at your partner in a different way — and aim for the expression of Do I know you? By throwing surprises into your relationship, you’re keeping your partner on his/her toes, and provoking the mystery to come out and play.
4. Get (really) playful.
Everything that I suggested so far centers around being playful. Again, scheduled, predictable energy is the opposite of playful energy. And this isn’t a problem — until we go to far with all the planning, scheduling and being “responsible.” When that happens, all the mystery and fun drains away.
Though don’t worry about it if this happens to you. Instead, simply make the decision to cultivate your joy and laughter again — and make this decision a priority! Doing so will lighten the energy of your life, and the people around you.
Remember: when you want to create more of anything in your life, use your imagination, first and foremost, to explore how to make your thoughts and dreams into your reality. We have the capacity to feel a range of energies, right this very moment. The trick is to embody that energy within yourself, and let it lead the way.
Tap into the mystery within you, and let it be your guide. Give spontaneity and play the importance they deserve, and your relationship will spring into a new life as a result.