How To Transform Grief Into Gratitude

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The date September 12th, 2013 will be indelibly imprinted on my family’s emotional scrapbook. It was the day we were awakened at 6am by our cat poking her claws into our feet until we got out of bed and opened the curtains to find the 500-year flood raging through our yard. It was the moment you see happening to other people, but never believe will happen to you.

It was a “before and after” moment, an event of such archetypal proportions that you know—as you’re packing your bags and rushing your children down the stairs and across your driveway (which is now submerged under three feet of water)—that your life is being irrevocably altered.

The initial days were a blur as my husband remained at the house to create a makeshift dam out of our fence in an attempt to prevent the river from entering our first floor (which, thanks to his sheer will and the help of angelic neighbors, he did) while my young sons and I remained in the safe shelter of my mother’s home about 45 minutes away.

As he charged full force into the overwhelming practical tasks at hand, I attempted to guide my kids and myself through the torrential grief that stormed through our bodies. And in order to offer a lifeline to them, I needed to process my own grief first.

Which means only one thing: To cry.

For crying is the innate antidote to loss, the only medicine during times when our entire world is falling apart. These pivotal, milestone events occur when we graduate from high school or college, lose a loved one, suffer through heartbreaks and breakups, get married, have a baby, leave a job or a city, and a multitude of other transitions and losses.

We live in a culture that encourages us to “buck up” and “look at the bright side,” but when you’re enduring a loss, the only sane response is to grieve. And here’s the secret that our culture fails to share: It’s when you let yourself grieve fully, allowing the tears to rock you body and soul, that you create space for genuine gratitude to enter.

Amid my heart-shattering grief at losing much of our home, people would say, “You’ll rebuild. It will be more beautiful than before.” While that’s likely true, it’s premature and annihilating to the healing process to skip ahead to the rebirth stage of grief when someone is soul-deep in their death experience.

What we all need is a cultural handbook so that we can help ourselves, our children, and our loved ones lovingly navigate a flood of grief. Below are five guidelines for walking through grief consciously so that you can arrive safely on the other side not only intact, but stronger than before:

1. Don’t rush your grief.

Grief has its own timetable and rhythm. You may grieve every day for a week and then not cry for days, only to find yourself falling apart in the parking lot of the grocery store weeks after the initial loss. Clients will often say to me, “It’s been three months. I should be over him by now,” to which I respond, “There are many cultures that allow a full year to process a loss. Three months is nothing.”

You’ll grieve as long as you need to grieve.

2. Bring compassion to your pain and don’t compare.

Even with as much knowledge as I have about the grieving process, in the midst of weeping, I’d sometimes hear a small whisper saying, Really? There are people who have lost their homes and even loved ones as a result of this flood. Get over it.But knowing how unhelpful that voice is, I would shush it away and return to the task at hand.

Because my pain is my pain. My loss is my loss. In the moments when the magnitude of my loss hits, it doesn’t matter that other people have lost more than I’ve lost. My heart goes out to them and I do what I can to help, but comparing my loss to others does nothing to move the grief through me.

Grief requires only one thing: A safe, compassionate container inside which to run its course. The more you give yourself that space, the more the grief will move through you and the faster you’ll find yourself on the dry, solid ground that juts up on the other side of pain.

3. Let the tears surge through you full force.

Since many people grew up absorbing false messages about pain like, “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about,” or “Crying is weak,” we tend to disconnect from the waterworks early in life. But when a disaster or a major life transition breaks through the wall created by the false beliefs, we’re offered an opportunity to reconnect to our natural and brilliant resource for navigating the inevitable losses of life.

It’s as if the dam breaks and we have no choice but to surrender and fall apart. The falling apart is essential. I’ve cried more in the past two weeks than I’ve cried in the past ten years. And it’s exactly what is allowing me to move forward, to show up for my kids and clients, and to connect to the place in me that knows that, regardless of the state of our house, my inner home is impervious to the transitory forces of nature and of life.

4. Reach out for support

I didn’t cry when I drove away from our home at 7:30am with my kids, our cat, and some luggage in the backseat. I didn’t cry when I arrived at my mother’s house and she wrapped me in her embrace. I didn’t cry that night when I lay awake sandwiched between my sleeping boys, thinking about my husband who, due to the washed-out roads, couldn’t get to us and had to stay with friends. But when my husband finally arrived the next day, I cried. I needed his arms around me before I could let go.

Since I didn’t want to lose it completely in front of my kids just yet (I have many times since that day), I told my husband I needed a few minutes, went downstairs, called my best friend, and sobbed. She held the space as she’s done for me a hundred times. She didn’t say a word; there are no words when someone is crying the brokenhearted cry of profound loss. She just let me cry until the heaving stopped and, for the moment, the water ran its course.

5. Connect to gratitude and rebirth

If you follow the previous four steps, your connection to gratitude will occur effortlessly in random moments throughout the day.

Immediately after we evacuated, I was flooded with gratitude that we were all safe and had a warm, dry place to go. And in the days that followed, gratitude surged as I’d look at my children’s perfect, sleeping faces, as my husband returned to my mother’s house at the end of another long, grueling day fighting the water and we’d collapse into the safe haven of our sturdy marriage, as our dear friends were evacuated from their home, as the crews of volunteers showed up at our house to help with the monstrous clean up (true angels who crack my heart open as I witness their acts of service), as I remember every night that everything that matters is still here.

Yes, we will rebuild. Yes, the rebirth of spring always follows the death of autumn and the stillness of winter. Yes, we will learn and grow through this, as it’s when life brings you to your knees and humbles you that you’re invited to grow to the next stage of consciousness where you learn a little more about what it means to be human and that the light will always overpower the darkness.

By: Sheryl Paul
Source: www.mindbodygreen.com

2013-10-04T11:28:22+00:00

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    A:

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    Product Links:
    Healing Herbal Tooth Powder
    Activated Charcoal

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    Q: Greetings! I have listened and been blessed with your wisdom many times while you've been on L.I.B. Radio. Thank you for all you do for so many! I am writing on behalf of my father. He is 80 years old and before now, he was EXTREMELY active (bowling, golfing, exercising, etc.). In early December he started suffering with severe leg pains. During his stay in the hospital, they finally found he had three bulging disks in his back that were referring this relentless pain to his leg. They gave him so many painkillers that the meds burned his esophagus and he was throwing up that dried blood. He stopped taking those meds and is in constant pain. He has been home from the hospital for about 6 weeks now. The steroids they have him on are supposed to bring down the inflammation, but they haven't. He saw an acupuncturist, but those treatments haven't helped. He has not slept more than two or so hours at night in all these weeks, as the pain is that unbearable. I am not sure what other info you might need, but any guidance you could offer would be so very appreciated. I thank you for your time and your help. I wish such blessings and peace to you and yours! Thank you for your kind words.

    A:

    In re your father, painkillers are not the way because they only mask the symptom (pain).

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    Order the Headache and Pain tea and give the tea 2-3 times per day.

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    If he can bathe still, put him in hot water with 2-3 boxes of sea salt each bath and let him soak for about 30-45 minutes.

    Perform the above for starters and keep us abreast.

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    A:

    It appears the pain is just too unbearable for you and as such you may have to give in to the surgery in order to get immediate but short term relief. I had a friend who experienced what you experienced and the pain was so unbearable she couldn't sleep. I felt for her and I feel for you. I think you must do what is necessary for elimination or reduction of pain first and foremost. The FULL BODY DETOX (FBD) is helping your swollen tissues, but it seems you mind is so distracted that you are in doubt mode and doubt is the subconscious will to fail. If you know you can't do what you need to do (naturally) to deal with this situation, do what you must for present day relief. You have free will here, Beloved! Please use FEMALE BREAST OIL and Drink FEMALE HEALTH TEA during your FBD.

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    A:

    He needs the FULL BODY DETOX and should drink plenty of Licorice Root tea. He can detox at home. Let him bathe in 26-78 ounces of sea salt daily. Let him drink vegetable juice daily as well. Please schedule a health consultation so you can obtain more natural remedies for your son. $100 (for a consultation) is a lot cheaper than a detox center. Please consider!

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    Q: Two months ago I used your Full Body Detox, and got fabulous results. I also did The Total Woman Cleanse three weeks after the detox, and got fabulous results from both products. My family, and I have been vegan for the past eight months, and before that vegetarians. Now, I am still experiencing pimples, and some fungi which looks like a kind of wring worms, but much smaller apparing on my body. Not just mine, but other members of the family as well. I gave the children, and my husband their Full Body Detox, as well, and I have even bought the Oz Oil to treat this. I really don't know what to do right now, this stuff is spreading on my body, but I have a very possive attitude with it still. I thank God that I am richer in color (meaning very dark) that one can't really see spots after they have dried up. But, I should also tell you that Bermuda is a very moldy place to live! One has to contantly stay cleaning washing, and airing out the house out.

    A:

    Start performing the "Sea Salt Soak" (read our article by the same title in our articles section). Perform daily if you can! I'd also recommend you alternate between the Oz Oil, and the Healing Skin Oil. Read the article "Skin Disorder = Blood Disorder." Continue to stay positive! Consider reading "The Mental Science Manual." (highly recommended)

    Article:
    Sea Salt Soak
    Skin Disorder = Blood Disorder

    Product Links:
    The Mental Science Manual

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    A:

    The heart failure is only permanent if you guys (especially your sister) BELIEVE so! What is believed is achieved! It's nothing but medical BS if you ask me!

    To CURE her heart condition, I would suggest she:

    1. Perform the Full Body Detox (absent any pharmaceutical drugs, but it is your sister's choice to stay on them or get off of them)

    2. While on the FBD, drink 2-4 cups of Hawthorn Berry tea

    3. After the FBD, she needs to take CARDIOVASCULAR Formula (3 capsules 2 times daily), CIRCUL-AID formula (3 capsules once daily), and BOWEL MOVER (3 capsules before bed every night).

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    Q: I have been married for 4 years and I just found out that my husband was diagnosed with ADD when he was a little boy. His mother told me that she had a nervous breakdown when he was inside her womb. I wanted know, is there anything that my husband can take to help stabilize his chemical unbalance. He has decided that he wants to walk away from our marriage because he is not able to cope with pressure. Please help a marriage that is divided. I love my husband but I don't know how to help him. I pray for him every day. That's all I know to do right now. But I just wanted to check to see if you had any suggestions or any articles that I can read.

    A:

    Your husband needs to first detoxify his body (FULL BODY DETOX) and while detoxing he should take a few of the Crystal Elixirs (i.e. #6 and #7). After his Detox, he needs to take daily NERVES FORMULA and drink NERVES TEA. Prayer is good but actions are better. Get that man involved in activities such as yoga, meditation, etc. Have him Detox his body. Look for an energy healer in your area. What zodiac sign is your husband? Aries, Gemini, and Virgo are naturally prone to nerves problems.

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    Q: I am a 28 year old mother of a 23 month old daughter. My husband, and I are striving to get pregnant again. I have read that because I am still nursing that will be a problem, is this true? I've had my menstrual cycle since the baby was 6 months, and my cycle is regular. My daughter does nurse periodically during the night, but she isn't ready to wean totally off the breast yet. Any suggestions ,or things I should take in consideration?

    A:

    A bunch of BS! Don't believe the hype! Focus on what you desire, and constantly play with the thought in your head. Work your mental science. Please read our Mental Science Manual for more insight into your mental powers and how you can use your mind to get what you want.

    Articles:
    The Mental Science Manual

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    Q: I have experienced dramatic hair loss in the last 7 months. The Dr.'s says it's stress. I have since eliminated stress, started working out, detoxing (ionic foot bath), and eliminating the bad foods. I have been known to eat excessively in the past. Im just not sure, if it is not my hormones off track, because of the poor diet, then what. Although, I believe that poor diet leads to any illness now. I would like to find one product that can focus on the bigger picture for me which is complete well being to STOP the hair loss and grow my hair back as thick and strong as it has always been. When the hair loss started I noticed constipation at the same time. The constipation is slowly getting better, but the hair loss really concerns me. I am a model, and my hair is my trademark. Do you know of any reputable naturalpaths in Atlanta? Is there a product of yours that you could suggest?

    A:

    Usually, the hormones are out of balance, usually the ovaries. Hair loss is a sign of degeneracy at the sexual reproductive level. Rebuild the endocrine system. Start by cleansing the body. Start by detoxing (Full Body Detox) followed by performing the Total Woman Cleanse. Also, learn to focus on what you desire (beautiful and healthy hair) and not what you don't want (hair fallout, hair problems). Our Mental Science Manual is good reading for healing with the mind in addition to herbs and other things.

    Product Links:
    Full Body Detox
    Total Woman Cleanse
    The Mental Science Manual

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    Q: Thank you so much for doing all that you do. I wish that you were in my everyday life...If I ever come to Cali, I hope to be able to take you up on some of your services. I have given your site out to many people that cross my paths...most recently, a man with diabetes who is going blind. He seemed to be quite thankful for your info...I do hope that he contacts you...and my friend who perhaps has a problem with a parasite(s). But me....okay just waiting for tax refund and then I will hit you up for another full-body detox...and perhaps a parasite kit myself...as it is sad but true..with my current boyfriend careless but kind...I now have a problem with genital herpes...a small breakout every other month...I eat well for the most part...ofcourse it could be better. But the stress is hish...I am working on that. But my question is...would an air purifier do me any good? You see I live in Dundalk, Maryland...near baltimore...near a Steel plant, and a yeast plant, and close to the military practice bombing sites, and other military negative stuff, and the city polluted with car pollution, tons of light pollution, and they spray for mosquitos...then I go to work and I work at a place called ABC Supply...great place right, well the stress is high, and the building we work in is shot...I swear there is mold under the carpets in one of the rooms...the ceiling is constantly leaking and we don't know what from...and the fumes from forklifts and the asphalt from the shingles...the filterfrom the intake gets changed like once a year...but is filled with 'shit' probably in a day or week. So the answer is to get a new job and move...yeah I know...I just don’t know how to do it...or where to go. Since I moved here, I have a problem with my ears...filling up with water or histimine or whatever...usually if I don't drink enough water near my menstrual cycle...I went to a doctor once and basically walked out of the office telling him what to do for his cold...yasee..he was no help...I knew more than him already....these past two years have been bad for allergies. Now, my ears and my throat...my nose too...though I do clean it out with water and that helps. I am not the only one. In the past two years there is a great number of people who say the same thing...they have never had a problem with allergies until these past two years. My grandmother and next door neighbor are two..but many more...well they just started up that steel mill again probably about that time...they sprayed hard core for mosquitos right before my grandmother started having problems...global warming for one...and i dont' know..but two years ago I was involved with a group of people sending out petitions against an LNG liquid natural gas plant that would bring in a ship two times the size of a football field and a huge pipe line to pennsylvania, and a skyscraper of a building to store the gas. Well...we fought against it...but apparently the gas company has more say than our own local government...I don't know...but hear about it every once in a while that they are still trying to get it built. So, an air purifier?? what do you think? Much Love and Health and Thanks!! Peace, RESPONSE: Thank you so very much for your words, Beloved. Much obliged from the heart!

    A:

    In regards to your question: Oh yes! By all means purchase an air purifier or an ozone machine (which will actually be best or better for you). Make sure you detox (FULL BODY DETOX) periodically, consume ACTIVATED CHARCOAL, and take plenty of IODINE PHOSPHATE as sea weed is great for neutralizing the effects of radiation.

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    Q: I recommend this site to all because it has helped me in so many ways, that I was hoping it may be of help to my 11 year old niece. She is really shy towards others, even at school. To the point where last year, it started affecting her school work. Because, at school you have to interact with others, as well as participate in class. At home with family she's active, sociable, and lot's of fun. When she gets around others she shuts down, believe it or not. I was talking with her mother, my sister and she realized that we was that same way aswell growing up. I don't want her to go through life like that, if there is a way to help her. My sister mentioned pills. Since I have found your site there is no way that I'll have her popping man made pills, when there are herbs that are safe. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. I know they have tea I saw for adults (Stress/Anxiety), but for kids I wasn't sure. I need something that will definately work. Thanks for all you do, and look forward to hearing from you.

    A:

    It's probably just a personality thing. However, it's not a sickness. It's more astrological, and personal essence than anything. I would suggest that the child have its natal chart and numerology chart done. Everything about the child is written "In the Wheel."

    Product Links:
    Natal Chart
    Numerology Chart

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    Q: My question is about hair loss. I am a 45 year old African American female. I started losing my hair about 15 years ago. I specifically remember unusual symptoms before it started to fall out. First, my entire scalp had a burning sensation, and it was very tender to the touch. It was very difficult to brush, comb and wash. Then after that, I am not sure how much longer after, but a dry patch of skin developed toward the back of my head (approximately 1 inch in diameter). I was able to peel it off and pull it through the strains of hair (very weird). That happened a couple of times and not too long after that, my hair started to fall out in large amounts for a fairly long period of time. At the moment I would say that I am mostly bald with hair mostly around the edges. Also I would like to mention that hair started to grow on my chest BUT I started to lose hair in my vaginal area. Sorry if some of this sounds sketchy but it's been 15 years!! I will try to give you a little bit of my history. I am 5'8" and 135lbs. I would say that for the most part, I have been an athlete all my life. My menses were very irregular sometimes and/or absent for long periods of time. When my menses were present, I had very bad cramps and clotting. My menses are now very regular and I hardly have any cramps, my flow is light and very little clotting. I would have to say that it is now a pleasure to have my "period". This also might be a result from switching my diet to a vegetarian diet. I have been a vegetarian for about 16 years. I would say 20% is dairy, but after reading your articles, I am trying my best to become vegan, hopefully even a raw foodist. I also eat tofu. I have never had hair problems growing up. I did get relaxers, but only twice a year. I have had my appendix removed when I was in elementary school. My bowel movements are usually once a day. (I know it needs to be 3.) So anyway, I have been to a couple of medical doctors to no avail, so now I am coming to you. I just received the following products from your company today (10-06-08). I am looking forward to using them. - MSM SULFUR - ELECTRIC GREENS CELL FOOD - COLON FORMULA - HEALING HERBAL TOOTH POWDER - HAIR OIL One last note: I have had maybe one cold in the last 3 years. I can't remember the last time I had the flu. So thank the Lord, my health has been pretty good. Thank you for reading about my situation and hopefully you can shed some light on what is going on with my body.

    A:

    Have you read the 2 health articles on hair ("HAIR PROBLEMS" and "BLACK HAIR, NAPPY HAIR")? If not, please read these articles for remedy and recourse. Also, read our article "SKIN DISORDER = BLOOD DISORDER"."

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    Q: I purchased the FULL BODY DETOX two months ago and the first day I took the first 5 pills at 7am (Blood and Lymphatic) and at 8am I was vomiting all over the place at work. I was so weak I couldn't function someone from work had to drive me home and that whole day I was sick as a dog as if I had stomach virus or the flu. I had diarrhea at the same time. I want to know if this was a normal reaction to the herbs. I only took 5 I couldn't imagine how the rest of my day would have went had I taken the full 30 pills a day (which I didn't know I had to take until I received the package that wasn't indicated on the website that I had to take 30 pills a day). Was this reaction normal? Please someone let me know if it is safe to continue the product. I couldn't send the product back because of course it had been open so since I paid 120.00 for it I would like to see if it's really what everyone says about it. I don't want to let anyone else know about the product after what happened to me. I have read the reviews and all are great no one has experienced what I've went through so far. Your response to this matter is greatly appreciated. Thanks

    A:

    Beloved, you are experiencing the â€HEALING CRISISâ€. Read the article Beloved, you are just very TOXIC, that's all! Don't measure yourself against others for every body is literally different. Don't fault the product! fault your diet and lifestyle over the years. This healing crisis may seem strange to you, but in reality, your body is thanking you. The vomiting and diarrhea are signs that your body is eliminating in the only available channels open right now. Simply start off by taking 2 or 3 capsules and see how that goes. You should be fine. Then you can work yourself back up to 5 capsules if you desire. You are free to change things up to your desire that benefits. Beloved, you are on your way to the cleansing of a lifetime. This is a good sign because your body is greatly working. Your are sensitive to herbs which is a good thing. They are working immediately in your body. You'll receive a complimentary check in phone call tomorrow for Dherbs! All is well, Beloved! Don't quit! When the going gets rough, the rough gets going! Check out our â€DETOX TROUBLESHOOTING†and look up "vomiting", "diarrhea", etc. There is plenty of support for you!