What Women Should Know About Real Relationships

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Growing up, I didn’t know much about romantic relationships — besides the fact that I wanted a totally different one than my parents had.

I had my first serious boyfriend in college. He was the super cool guy. Tall, dark, handsome, smart. I lost myself in him. If I had to pick one word to describe this relationship, I’d choose “young.”

My second serious relationship was with a man polar opposite to the first. I stayed out of comfort. My first relationship ended so badly; this relationship was a safe zone. It was like riding a bike with training wheels. I wouldn’t get hurt. Eventually, this relationship ended too.

Then, I met the man I’m with now.

Our togetherness has taught me about a real relationship. Not the romantic movie kind of relationship; not the playing games kind of relationship; and certainly not the purely lustful kind of relationship — but a real relationship.

It’s been scary.

It’s been awesome.

It’s been growth.

Here’s what I’ve learned (so far). And what I now tell every woman who wants a real relationship too.

1. Grow during dark times.

You’re not the same person you were yesterday, let alone six months ago. You know you’ll change (and that’s all groovy), but you also know that you’ll grow together. Yet, the real test of a relationship is how you grow in dark times. Times that have you thinking it’s definitely over. Do you grow together, or do you grow apart?

2. Figure out how you fight.

Do you stonewall, get defensive, and throw personal jabs to cause pain? Or, do you say how you feel, listen to your partner’s feelings, and communicate what it is you really need? In other words, do you fight to hurt, or do you fight to grow?

3. Talk about money.

As uncomfortable as talking about money can be, discussing finances and learning how each of you views money is super important. Discuss your goals, dreams, and priorities and be open to having weekly or monthly meetings to see how things are lining up.

4. Communicate from your soul.

As a relationship continues, and you get more into the everyday type of stuff, you lose that soul-digging momentum you once had in the beginning where you want to pick each other’s brains and hearts. Bring some of that soul communication back on a daily basis, you’ll be amazed at what transforms. Try it!

 

5. Be vulnerable.

Baring your soul and voicing how you really feel is a relationship necessity. It used to take me hours (OK … minutes! But it felt like hours!) before successfully getting out something I was nervous to say to my partner. But the more I voiced my truths, the more strength I (and we) gained. In a relationship built on love, compassion, and kindness, expressing your vulnerabilities will only make you stronger.

6. Continue with your own growth.

Your partner is not going to complete you, fill all your emotional needs, and be responsible for your every moment’s happiness. You’ve still got to show up for yourself and do your own work, whether through journaling, meditation, or yoga. Friends, mentors, and teachers will still play a large role in lighting your soul up. You’ll grow on your own, but you’ll use the positive energy it provides to grow together.

7. Give in order to receive.

Want to feel appreciated more? Loved more? Or, special more? Let your partner know, but remember what we send out into the universe we get back. Show your main squeeze as much appreciation, love, and affection as you want. One person can set the (loving) tone, spiraling your relationship to new heights. Don’t be afraid to let that person be you.

8. Be OK with boredom.

We’ve been brainwashed from movies, media, and social channels to think that every moment of every relationship should be electric, happy, and amazing. In reality, doing laundry, grocery shopping, and cleaning the bathroom aren’t so hot. And that’s OK. Being able to be happy and work together “in the boring” is a sign of a real relationship.

9. Talk about sex.

Intimacy is an important part of a relationship. Let you partner know what you like, don’t like, if things have become boring — anything that’s on your mind. If you’re able to talk with your friends about it, you should be able to talk with your partner about it.

10. Align your core values.

Being different is totally cool, BUT do your core values align? For example, is family important for each of you? Do you both have a strong sense of ethics and fairness? Are you each compassionate people? The “surface stuff” makes each of you you, but the deep-down stuff makes your relationship easy or difficult.

11. Make room for fun time together.

Fun adds lightness, energy, and a dollop of happiness to even the best of relationships. Power down, put the phone away, tuck your to-do list in the drawer, and have same fun. You won’t regret it.

By: Corinne Dobbas
Source: www.mindbodygreen.com

2014-09-17T12:25:15+00:00

Related Questions

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    Q: I know you are an herbalist and I have read your articles on relationships, but I really need to discuss an issue with a conscious person like yourself. I have a friend who is a conscious brother, he made it known that he doesn't want to be in a relationship, claims he's to busy, but he is into having a spiritual sexual relationship(releasing energy he says on a spiritual level). My thought is that in order to connect with someone totally on a sexual level they should be a unit to experience this sacred sexual experience he refers to, otherwise to me it seems a very clever why to have sex without the commitment of being in a relationship. I would really appreciate your thoughts.

    A:

    Dudes can be so clever! He sounds like a Taurus! LOL!

    He's using spirituality to justify having sex with you. There's no spirituality with a casual sex partner. This practice is deep and creates serious energetic connections via the chakras. There's no connection without being a unit and having a commitment. My motto is: no sex absent love and commitment (unless both parties agree)! Hope this helps you out!

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    Q: I'm having a little hard time building a relationship with my lady's 6 year-old daughter. She's sweet, the only child (for now), and has her father in her life. I don't want to be her dad, but I do want her to respect me. I intend to marry this lady, and I will be the father figure in our house.

    A:

    Just focus on things you appreciate about the child. Stop judging her relationship with her mother. Find a perspective about her that feels good. Respect her, and give her space to warm up to you at her own pace. It will happen

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    Q: I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. I?m in a long-term relationship and want to get pregnant someday soon. My doctor says this will lessen my chances. What herbs can help me to heal?

    A:

    I would recommend that you perform the Full Body Detox followed by the Total Woman Cleanse. Change your diet too! Change your thoughts! Think positive! Think fertility! See those future babies in your mind (and they will come!)! You can heal, Beloved!

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    Q: I know your very busy, but I would be very appreciative if you could help me in any way that you can. I'm 22 with a 7 month old baby, with no support from my family. Over the last 3 months the father decided that he doesn't love me anymore, and has done an obscene about of things to disrespect me. Which leaves me hurt, and stressed out! I'm mentally, spiritually, and physically drained. I have no peace of mind, and I tend to fall in and out of depression. I feel like I'm going to breakdown, and the tears just won't stop falling. I'm trying to keep it together for my baby. Internally, I've been hurt so bad, I just feel like giving up. How can you love someone one minute, and the next not care for them at all? How do I deal with her father? I'm so tired of being the bigger person, and trying to work through things. He just doesn't care at all, and he makes no effort to even try. He then turns around and says, "He cares about his daughter". I try to explain to him that our relationship affects her, but he always has an answer for everything. I don't mean to dampen you with my problems, but I would appreciate it if you could not only hear me, but feel me and what I'm going through. Every little bit helps

    A:

    Greetings, Beloved! You are upset because you expect something and expectation is your problem. You are expecting something beyond your control, expecting something coming from another person you can't control. Just do you and let karma take care of this dude. You just can't up and not love someone anymore. He's either saying that so as to bounce from the scene (leave) and his responsibilities or he never loved you in the first place and perhaps used you for his own purposes of sexual gratification and you ended up getting pregnant. At either rate, just do you and focus on you - what you desire for you and your child. Think positive! Let go of the situation involving this dude. Start on it TODAY! The dude is selfish and creating karma! Release him! You can't make a person do something that is not in them to do.

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    Q: What is the relationship between exercise and energy?

    A:

    Energy exists whether we exercise or not. We live in a sea of energy. Exercise helps us to keep our bodily fluids fluid and moving.

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    Q: I am interested in an astrological consultation session for relationship compatibility? I understand one session is $50.00.?? Please contact me for birthdates and locations?

    A:

    Please call 866-434-3727 and schedule your consultation and make payment. During the consultation please give the zodiac signs of you and the other person, birthdates, and if you know the time of birth for each person, I would like that too! Thank you for the interest in Dherbs.com.

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    Q: I have a situation I think you maybe able to help me out with. Even before I completed the Full Body Cleanse and Anti-Viral Kit (because I had HSV) I was experiencing pain in my left testical and a jolting feeling in the prostate. It began about 3-4 months ago after I contracted an STD from an ex-girlfriend and before the Full Body Cleanse and Anti-Viral Cleanse (I'm not sure if it was a result of the std or from the excessive bike riding I do) The pain has diminished a lot from a few months back. However it's still occasional and I?ve noticed now that I'm in a relationship and sexually active again that I have an orgasm a loooot sooner than I did prior to those 3-4 months ago. Hours compared to minutes now. And once I do I feel a sensitive sensation (not pain) in the left testicle. I visited a Urologist a few months ago for testing and he did a ultra scan, test etc. and said he didn't see anything wrong. Can you recommend anything that would correct this and get me back to my normal Stallion like self (smile)? Thanks again and you're always in my prayers.

    A:

    The pain/sensation in the left testicle is conveying a message to you - REPAIR and REJUVENATE your sexual system. Read our article entitled TESTICULAR HEALTH.

    Try the Male Cleanse and/or Jackrabbit (3 capsules), Prostate Formula (3 capsules), Male Hormonal Formula (3 capsules), MSM Sulfur (3 capsules) and drink 1 cup of the Male Health tea every day. These formulas help to provide essential nutrients conducive to male sexual reproductive health.

    Also, you can use the Alpha Male Oil and massage your testicles with your hands 2-3 times a week to nourish, rejuvenate, and repair the testicles, prostate gland, and penis.

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    Q: The supplement that you have for herpes, it's really not a remedy to heal and kill the virus but control it correct? Please I believe that there is some remedy out there that will cure this disease that doctors claim there will never be a cure for. I have the HSV2 I believe in healing so I am hoping I have come to the right place as to a natural healing to take place. I am 26 and it has put a dent in my life as to being in a relationship, I was open and honest with a young man but he slowly drifted away once I broke the news. Please help me. I was willing to travel to see an herbalist but I heard of your sight on Gospel 95.3 and felt it was not a hoax but something real and works.

    A:

    Herpes can be healed if you understand the truth of healing that healing comes from the mind. Please read the following articles because healing starts with knowledge followed by belief: please read these ARTICLES: â€GENITAL HERPES (HSVII)â€, â€IS GENTIAL HERPES REALLY CURABLE?â€, â€HERPES OUTBREAK ON THE BUTTOCKSâ€, â€WOE IS ME I HAD A HERPES OUTBREAK!â€. We cover the mental aspects of healing in our new e-book MENTAL SCIENCE MANUAL available next week via download.

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    Q: Thank you so much for all the helpful information you send to my family. We lived in CA a year ago. Recently we moved to Louisiana, wish we would have had this type of relationship with you then. I want to be a registered dietician, my name is Sawayla, I am 15 yrs old. I also would like to pursue a degree in wholistic health care. Please advise.

    A:

    Always a beautiful thing to see young people interested in health and healing! Kudos to you, young sister!

    You can achieve anything you desire and put your mind to. If you want to be an dietician, find out what is necessary and begin to prepare yourself for the necessary courses.

    Start now! See yourself as an dietician! See it in order to achieve it! You're a rare young gemstone!

    Stay focused on your dreams and desires and always stay positive!

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    Q: Due to what I did with women in previous experiences, from time to time I tend to think, and worry about what my woman might do. She's a wonderful lady-she really is; and she's been upfront, and honest from the get go. But, I can get a little pessimistic about the relationship. But, I do that because I know how slick women can be. I've been on the receiving end of that slickness! So again, from time to time, that creeps up in my thoughts. And yes, I have been absolutely committed to her as well.

    A:

    What you focus on with emotion is what you attract according to the law of attraction. If you continue to give these negative thoughts, your focus you will manifest this outcome. You have to consciously change this pattern to get out of your loop. When you feellike consciously, remind yourself of what you DO want. Allow yourself to create what you really want, which is to feel calm and in love with your amazin woman.

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    Q: I'm a 47-year-old male 218lbs. I'm a type 2 diabetic with my levels under control. I have no sexual desire at all. After my yearly physical I found out my testosterone level is 277, kind of low right? That thought process is just not available to get aroused. I can get an erection but can't keep it. Would you also suggest a blood sugar program? It's causing my relationship not to move into the getting married goal.

    A:

    I would suggest our Pancreas Kit and Regimen! You don't want diabetes under control. You want it GONE! At least I would think. If you have diabetes under control, you still have it! How else could you CONTROL it if it wasn't there or in existence?

    Next, I recommend you give the Total Male Cleanse a try. Good maintenance herbs for your sexual dysfunction include Jackrabbit formula, Male Hormonal Formula, Prostate formula, and Circu-laid formula.

    Cheer up, Beloved! There is help for you.

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    Q: Wow you are on the ball. I am a skeptic but I need to do something. Does one really have to become a vegan to achieve these objectives? Seeing I am not in a relationship now, should I hold off on the Jackrabbit formula and those things and stick to the cleanse? HELP!!! Just seeking advise, also how long does it take for things to arrive.

    A:

    I don't waste much energy on skeptics because life is full of risk (going to the movies and watching a movie you don't know if you'll like; gambling in a casino and having no guarantee of winning; getting married and not knowing if the marriage will last, etc.).

    One does not have to become a vegan, but it greatly helps!

    Jackrabbit formula is not just for sex purposes, but also to build up the sex glands. I would just concentrate on the Full Body Detox though.

    Our herbs arrive within 2-3 days after you place your order.

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    Q: Hello, I enjoyed reading the information on your website. I have many questions, but my concern is that I am 43 year old African- American female, who would be classified as obese. Last year I had a miscarriage, which was devastating to me though we were not trying to get pregnant. I have a 16 year old healthy son. The doctor wanted me to have a hysterectomy because of my age and reported that I had non-cancerous fibroids. I chose not to as if I have the opportunity to get pregnant again, I would like to carry my baby to full term and deliver another healthy baby. My question is: which would you suggest I do first (as we know, time is a factor)? Should I do the full body detox and then the weight cleanse? I don't want to do the fertility program, but I'm not sure exactly why I lost my baby. I know stress played a major factor (I quit that high-stress job I was on) and after reading your website, realized that weight played a much larger role than I wanted to realize. I'm not trying to actively get pregnant, but because it remains a possibility, I would like to be as healthy as possible. My partner and I broke up shortly after the miscarriage, but have recently recommitted to a relationship again after almost a year apart. I am sorry for this long email, but your opinion would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely

    A:

    First perform the FULL BODY DETOXfirst followed by the WEIGHT RELEASE CLEANSE AND REGIMEN.

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    Q: I was diagnosed with PCOS about 2yrs ago in which they say plays a major role in my infertility. I encounter the side effects lack of menses maybe every 6 months, hirtuism, folliculitis and sometimes lack of energy I also have a blocked fallopian tube due to chlamyadia. However I am a strong believer that anything is possible and would like to get your recommendations the herbal selections that I would need to purchase from your company to restore my body. Also I have read your article on the white spots and would like to know where do I start to decode the relationship it has for different areas on the body arm to be exact.

    A:

    Start first with the FULL BODY DETOXand follow it up with the TOTAL WOMAN CLEANSEand lastly the FIBRIOD BUSTER CLEANSE AND REGIME. Purchase MENTAL SCIENCE MANUAL e-book to help with the mental aspect of healing. Drink FEMALE HEALTH TEA too during these cleanses. Start here, Beloved. Don't worry about white spots right now. We'll hit that later.

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    Q: For starters I have been doing a lot of reading and coming into contact with folks who speak about live foods and how it can cure certain aliments. I have been dealing with type two diabetes for 7 years now. To top that off, I have been recently diagnosed with Type two herpes. What the hell? The internet has a lot of information on it, most of it conflicts with the info from your site. I would like to know what the relationship is between this site and Dr. Sebi's site which I have found to be in accord? I would like to know what live and electric foods are and where I can purchase them? I have recently decided to pursue a career as an FBI agent. I am completing my degree this December, after which I can apply for a position. I fear that the Diabetes is the only health concern that could keep me from reaching this goal. I fear that type two herpes could if it has not done so already cost me more than I am willing to give. I need and desire help with these two issues to return my life and body to a healthy state. Can you folks assist me with these questions? Can you provide me with affordable real solutions? I am listening because I can not do this alone.

    A:

    Dherbs.Com has no relationship with Dr. Sebi and his Fig Tree brand of herbs.

    Read our article What is Raw Foods on our site under Articles for more information on raw foods.

    For Diabetes, give our Pancreas Kit and Regimen a try. Diabetes is a pancreas disorder! Read our DIABETES article.

    For genital herpes, give our Full Body Cleanse and Anti-Viral Kit and Regimen a try. Also, read our GENITAL HERPES article.

     

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    Q: I'm a 31 year old woman dating a 60 year old man. We live together and he helps raise my 2 year old only child. I'm a scorpio and he's a pisces. Can you tell me what you think about this relationship? My dob is 11/08/79, and his is 02/26/51, my life path # is 9.

    A:

    We are not Astrologist. It sounds like you have an arrangement that is working for you. If you have a specific problem, or relationship question we would love to help. I will say you're both water signs, which could create an emotional relationship. Life path number is a teacher and old soul.

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    Q: My FBD kit should arrive next week. What will I need in addition to it to restore the vision in my right eye? I am a 58 years on the planet, and am Aquarian contemplating, in a relationship with a Socrpio. I have had 2 C sections, a tonsillectomy, a right breast biopsy (benign), and am now in relatively good health with the exception of head pain over the right eye, droopy eyelid, and subsequent loss of vision since eyeball is swollen and distended. What do you recommend?

    A:

    Eye issues are covered in the article "Eye Problems" in our articles section. Sounds like a good detoxing will do you some good too. Aquarius and Scorpio could be a good match, just make sure the Scorpio is not too dependent (whoever it is). Balance is the key! Modify your diet too to aid in good health and well-being.

    Article:
    Eye Problems

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    Q: I'm sorry to keep bugging you I know you are probably tired of me by now but I just have to ask you one more thing I was involved in a devilish relationship and I was a virgin and he was not so I waited at least 3 months before we had unprotected intercourse and the test came back negative but evidently he had during that period and that was how it infected me. So if I were to do the full body detox and the anti-viral kit and it were to come back negative how long after my first negative should I go back and test just to make sure I wont past it on to someone else and put them through trauma.

    A:

    That would be up to you. You see, once a person tests "negative" our advice is to not look back and worry about getting re-tested, etc. (which means you don't really trust that the disease/virus is really gone or cured). We say test negative and move on; but if you want to get re-tested during the year, that's your prerogative and you can do so as often as you like. I humbly and sincerely trust I have gone overboard in asking all of your concerns and inquiries and can now redirect my energy back into answering first time inquiries.

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    Q: I completed the Full Body Detox about a month ago. Although I did not stick with the regimen in its entirety, I can say everything that was written that my body would experience DID happen! (thank you). The reason for this message is because I was diagnosed with Herpes Simplex I & II after suggesting that my physician test me for everything during my annual visit recently. I have never been so shocked when he called me into his office a week or so later to explain what my lab results showed. I have NEVER had any kind of "sore, lesion breakout" however, I do remember having a strange itching in my rectum area with an unusual smell. I have not been sexually active since my divorce, and remained completely faithful through out my marriage. My thought, as a Christian, I believe in my heart that I am healed. However, I live in a physical body, and also believe that I should include some sort of cleansing regimen to system so that afterwards, it will NOT show up in my body again. Please help, I have finally prepared myself to be in a new relationship, and God knows I would NEVER want to do this man what "obviously" my ex-husband did to me! Grace & peace.

    A:

    Beloved, if your are healed in mind, then you are healed in the flesh. Don't block your healing with doubt, as doubt is the subconscious will to fail. Claim your healing but perform an herbal regimen (Anti-Viral Kit) for purposes of MAINTENANE of health, not some particular disease (esp. if you feel and claim health and healingness). I would recommend this for you beloved. BE WELL!

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    Q: I started bleeding heavily last month & it was a week after my normal cycle had come & gone. My ob/gyn dr. performed a DNC & a procedure called Novasure Ablation. It slowed/lessened the bleeding but it did not halt it. I am still bleeding. I don't have fibroids. The polyp that they found during the procedure was benign. The bleeding cannot be explained as all of my organs appear healthy. My dr. has advised me to remove my uterus. Right now I can't afford a consultation plus herbs but I would like to know if you have any suggestions. I wasn't sure if the female cleanse would be enough. I had been on the lemonade cleanse for 9 days when the bleeding started but of course the doctors said there wasn't a relationship. I came off of the diet a few days after the bleeding started & changed my diet to fish/seafood only, eating a raw salad at least once a day. Some days I eat no meat at all. My mother has osteoporosis due to her hysterectomy at a young age & she has been diagnosed with lupus as well. She's open to a consultation with you & trying to control her health with herbs & diet change vs. traditional medicine. Unfortunately money is an issue with her as well so she won't be able to use your services until sometime in January. Having said all of that I basically just want a recommendation for what you think might help my situation so that I don't have to succumb to this surgery. Your assistance is greatly appreciated. Thanks

    A:

    Change your diet (go raw foods/vegan: no meat, no dairy products, and no refined grains). 2. Perform TOTAL WOMAN CLEANSE (TWC) If you can afford it. 3. If can't afford TWC, take MOON CYCLE FORMULA (6-9 capsules daily) and drink 1 cup of MOON CYCLE TEA.