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Q: Dear Yogi, I read an article on your site about reverse Kundalini (anal sex). I don't know if you can answer my question or not - originally I was going to pose it to "Ask the Guru", but in my limited understanding, Kundalini is tied into yoga. I have been trying to get balanced by meditating, living my passions, writing, art, and belly dancing all unprofessionally, except for the first one (on a very small scale). I have been doing guided chakra meditations and other things, including yoga, and some dietary modifications. I feel I am gradually growing and living my purpose. However, incrementally starting in my mid forties. Anyway, I have been on this path for a couple of years now, and have more happiness and peace than I ever have. I don't want to get into a lengthy essay about my limited understanding of Kundalini, and the possibility of what I perceive is going on with my body (though I am very healthy) right now, so I will attempt to get to the point. I am grateful for my life. I have much more than many people if I were to measure. I feel like I am still blocked, though. About three years ago I dated a guy who sodomized me one time. He was a rapist, long story short and an error in judgement on my part. Though my intuition was screaming at me the whole time. I look at the experience as pushing me further along my path and teaching me to trust, love, respect myself, and defend my boundaries. What concerns me is that I feel that experience is still trapped within me to a degree, and I am worried that it will manifest into a disease. Often when I meditate on my root chakra I start crying. Part of me believes that I can't force anything, just have to let the process unfold in its own time. There is so much info out there that I find it overwhelming, and it is hard to know which to trust. So I have just been going with what resonates with me as far as technique. If you could offer me any advice, I would be grateful.
A:
Hello, I would like to first thank you for sharing your story and your experience. It sounds like you are devoting time and attention to the many things, that will help foster a sustained health and healing for you in life. As you have recognized, it is very helpful for us to take intuition very seriously and to honor this innate ability to discern whether a situation will be harmful or beneficial to our growth and experience as humans. Very often the circumstances and challenges presented to us in life, as happened in yours, serve as great teachers in allowing us to witness our own great strength, compassion, and value. I am glad to hear that you have been able to take the very difficult situation you found yourself in and use your experience to create a better understanding of yourself in the process. While it is true that we tend to develop patterns of holding and habitual ways of holding tension within the body; this does not mean that there are not steps you can take to move through such a body, mind, and spirit experience. The fact that you are crying upon meditating on your root chakra is a sign that you have made yourself available to the grief that naturally accompanies traumatic situations such as the one you experienced. Keep in mind that when we deeply grieve, our bodies are able to express the energy that may have potentially been repressed during this experience. The energy of the root chakra is all about our ability to feel safe, strong, and supported. The violation of this energy can leave one feeling ungrounded and striving for our self-preservation. Try not to become fixated on the worries you are having about the experience arising as disease in your body, as worrying can lead to increased levels of chronic stress, which will potentially create an internal environment more vulnerable to disease - which is what you are trying to avoid. It might be nice for you to meditate on your right to be here, to exist on this planet, and to be valued. It may also be very nice for you to take some restorative yoga classes, which can be grounding and stimulating to the parasympathetic nervous system (assists in the healing process). Recognize that the body may be holding energy in a direct response to a real threat, but begin to create a safe, loving and supportive environment to allow yourself to begin to be able to let go of this holding as you feel safe. When working to heal the first chakra, it is helpful to get in touch with the direct experience of the sensations of the body and become aware of the physical experience of the body. This can be done with the assistance of an expert, to help you change the physical expression of your felt experience. We could also do something called "body dialogue" to put you more deeply in touch with what the physical expression you are experiencing has to teach you about how you are inhabiting the world you are in. There are also many forms of grounding exercises which can help to balance the first chakra. If you are interested in being lead through a series of guided meditations, please contact me at megan@ritualwellbeing.com. Namaste, Megan
