Back in 2008 before I started my weight loss journey
I’m sitting here on the side of my bed with a full heart. I guess when I started this weight loss journey I hadn’t considered how many people may be feeling just like me, or how I felt before I started. Look, I have no secret weapons; I have no tricks or lies to give you. I’m a 35-year-old man who just wants to see life longer. I read a couple comments posted to my blog and I began to weep, not because their stories are sad, but because I’m in awe of how God can and will use you once you let down your own guard.
I wasn’t raised in a church, I don’t have a deacon or entitlement Jesus-Pin attached to the hem of any of my garments. I’m just a guy that He’s shown favor and love to time and time again, loving me in to a place of trusting Him. I get it, you know God and His power and all that He’s done, but for some, they’ll only know Him because of you and how you move around. I wish I could say I’ve made no mistakes, but I can’t. I’ve hurt people, lied, stolen, cheated, and been out right wrong in my past, but in it all, the one thing that remains true is that I’ve never avoided the responsibility of accepting my part. Something I believe God can and will honor.
The things I’m seeing as I journey this road to healing my body are astounding, beyond anything I could have fathomed. My strength and determination come not from some quote I saw on a damn Facebook wall, but solely from the SOURCE of my creation. I am His and being His means I have a right to live. Live healthy, strong, spiritually sound (without your opinion of right or wrong).
These past two weeks have presented many hills and valleys, I’ve dreamed dreams I never thought I would and I’ve seen clearly each step I’ve taken to land me at this place of reconciliation. I’m no pastor or evangelist; I’m simply a man who recognizes that in order to grow forward we have to rid ourselves of the sicknesses we like to hold on to as excuses to Not become great.
Now check this out; there are people who are happy looking just how they look and feeling just how they feel, I’m just not one of them. Anymore! Though I’m rich with joy and family, I have hope and strength, I’m a good guy and I know it… the changes I’m making on the outside are only possible because of the home I’ve built on the inside. I aim daily to live in a good space and place with me.
The Way You Look Tonight
I remember a recording studio I went to years ago, I couldn’t find it for a good thirty minutes because it was disguised as an abandoned building. Once I did locate it and walked behind to find the entrance, I opened doors to one of the most elaborate and well-equipped studios I have ever worked in. I mean it was lavish, all the bells and whistles, laid with lounges, writing nooks, three kitchens and even two lofts for staying the night. This studio was it man, I tell you! Unfortunately we aren’t made the same way. Sometimes people will miss the best part of you, the inside, the heart you have only because you don’t look like the package they were looking for and that sucks.
However, I would be remised if I tried to pretend that there is no part of me that considers vanity a partial reason in my desire to lose weight. The good part is that I’ve always felt I was a good-looking guy with a lot to offer as a person. I’m a catch! I’m the sexiest 6’8 chocolate thang you done eva seen! But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t fought the ugly stereotypes and afflictions that come just because I’m a bigger guy. Hey, I want the second glance and long stares too! And not just because I sing well, know Oprah and dress well, hey that’s a part of it, but lets be honest, there’s nothing like a bit of good old sexual desire to make you feel alive, present and confident.
For those of us who have been stuck rebuilding the outside without considering the inner changes that have to happen in order to sustain the shell; be foretold with a full heart, baby, it starts on the inside. That studio would have been worthless had the inside been the same as the shell on the outside. All that I think of me started with believing I Am Worth It and that was no easy road either! I found worth without the fancy car, the perfect 10 on my arm, or the six-digit job. All of those things are garments of confidence and not the skin you’re in. There is nothing worse than a miserable rich person, and to be honest, nothing funnier either.
I implore you to recognize the gift there is in you just being you. You’re right, that person who can’t see past your weight does suck, stink, is whack and not so hot them damn selves etc… I agree with you, but don’t allow their feeble sense of identity to keep you from affecting the world with change as you become the face of change. Go get em!!